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Disillusionment

Samantha Watts, Staff Writer

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Dear Samantha,

Last year I was reunited with my best friends after 3 years. In that time, I couldn’t wait to see them again. But now that I am with them, I am realizing that they aren’t very good people and they don’t real care what happens to our friendship. What do I do?

-Friendship Sucks

Dear Friendship Sucks,

Often times when we are young, experiences we have and people we meet seem great to us because of who we are at that time. If we stop experiencing this thing or stop talking to this person for a long period of time, they remain in our memories as they were when we knew them. What you’re experiencing is called disillusionment–your friends didn’t live up to your idea of them that you held onto and romanticized in your head for so long. You are a different person now than you were when you were first friends with them, and so you have realized that you don’t like them as much as that younger part of your brain thought you would. This can be considered a good thing! It’s proof that you’re growing and changing, and you’re not exactly the same as you were three years ago. But there’s also bad news: it means it’s time to drop your friends. You’ve probably been in denial about it, telling yourself that they’re your friends and they have been for so long and it doesn’t have to change. However, these people have grown and changed in a different direction than you, and so it’s nothing but unhealthy if you continue to hang out with them on a regular basis even though you’re not happy. You don’t necessarily need to become enemies with them, or even stop being friends altogether. All you need to do is distance yourself from them so that you aren’t constantly around these people who are now so obviously sucking out your energy. Even if they’re your only friends, it’s better to have no friends for a little while than to be stuck with people you’ve grown out of. Like I always say–focus on your extracurriculars and new friends will find you.

-Samantha

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Disillusionment