Slav Guide 1: How To Dress Slav

Ethan Kearns, Staff Writer

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There’s a unique culture out in the world, one that went from Communism to not Communism. They are the peoples of Eastern Europe, the mighty Slavs.

Slavs consists of the Polish, Czechs, Slovakians, Belarusians, Ukrainians, Russians, Bosnians, Croatians, Bulgarians, Macedonians, Serbians, Slovenians, and Montenegrins. Each of these Slavic countries have different cultures, and much diversity, but they are all bound by Slavic blood.

But this isn’t a history lesson, this is a guide on how to dress like a Slav. Wskoczmy do tego (Lets jump into it)!

To first get the Slav look you must do at least 100 squats per day, because Slavs have legs of pure steel. From there, you can do the mighty Slav squat, the squat of extraordinary power. Опа!

The more you squat, the more power you will have to squat on poles, kvass bottles, and even bears.

Next up is the Slavic signature, Adidas clothes. How can you be true Gopnik if you don’t wear an Adidas tracksuit? That’s the thing, you CAN’T be true Slav without Adidas.  

When you have purchased your три полоски Adidas suit, it is time to find the right hat for your Slav wardrobe.

There are two types of hats a Slav can wear. You have the ushanka, the most common hat in Russia. The ushanka has a great look and provides the wearer with warmth to get you through a Siberian winter. (A ushanka with hammer and sickle is recommended).

Then there’s the flat cap, a great way to show off your inner Slav. Have no fear, a flat cap with an Adidas tracksuit will not make you look like a newspaper boy, it will just make you more Slav.

That is all for this Slav guide. Tune in next time, where you will find out how to Slav your music playlist. Stay cheeki breeki my friends.


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